im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
