I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
