mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
