Ambien. No doubt about it.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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