dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize