i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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