evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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