just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
