my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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