Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
