i love accidental penises.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
