i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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