That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm like, not good at living.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
