Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
