I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize