I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We need a shit load of segways right now
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
