a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
