that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
