So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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