Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
