Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
