I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
