His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
