This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
