Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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