this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
