please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
