omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
