Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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