He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
