Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
