cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize