I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
why do cheetos always look like penises
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think my moral compass just broke
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