I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
