Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
