How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
