I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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