I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
