Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
