If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
