No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
