Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
