it was like eating out sand paper
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
