I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
