you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
