he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
