How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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