you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
last night I used snow as a chaser
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