it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
