In the future we'll all be gay
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
