Who wears a wallet chain?!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
