I'm really into asian looking animals
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
