I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
