if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
