I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
