Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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