I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
we're so committed to being not committed
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
