Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
