My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You were trust falling into bushes
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
