my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
