He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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