haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so explain again why im purple
no
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize