I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
