I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
