checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
