my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Watching her eat just hurts me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
