she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
