My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize