I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The uberlube is also flammable
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
