The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
