if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
All I want is dick and wine.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
