i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
