Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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