at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What a dumb baby whore.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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