dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize