the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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