I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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